Thought of the Day

What makes her and I different:

She cries out for love, not justice.

Random

My life is hilarious.

I work in a nice area in a middle-upper-class suburb. But today the men who work in the office right beside mine brought in a deer head to hang in their office. Honestly? They will be ushering all the new hires into an office with a DEER HEAD hanging on the wall. I can’t help but laugh.

I am lucky enough to work with my best friend, whose office is close to mine. We generally have too much fun at work and probably laugh just a bit too much. Lately, Courtney has gotten into the habit of threatening to shoot me with a rubber band. Which is terrifying. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t actually do it, but every time I walk into her office, I am overcome by fear. She, of course, finds great delight in seeing me run out of her office shrieking. My goodness, we ARE still children…

Thanksgiving was this past week and it was a wonderful time. My twin sister and a few friends came into town. We had dinner at my older sister Lauren’s house. There were at least twenty people crowded into the house, which looked gorgeous. Lauren and Debbie had decorated every thing for Christmas (a little early, I know). There were nice tablecloths on each table, candles lit, pretty china and sweet little napkin rings. It was a really great time.

I don’t have much else to say. I know this blog was pretty random. Oh well.

Til we meet again.

Three More Days

Things have changed. But more than ever I recognize that they have stayed the same. I don't want to let go. But I realize that it's necessary. Or so I think it is. I'm really scared to let go completely. But I think that in the long run it will serve me well. I don't think I have learned my lesson yet. By letting go too soon, maybe I have forfeited that luxury. Or maybe I am still learning. This leaves me with a lingering anxiety. Perhaps by letting go I may be making the wrong choice? You said that I change my mind too much. I don't think it's the changing of my mind that is so bad. I think it's the thought-process that goes into those decisions in the first place. I don't think things through enough. Or I become entangled by the distraction of niceties.

Stress Level: High

Today. Today has me wanting to pull out my hair. To go back to bed. To be anywhere but here.

And what do you know? It's not over yet.

Oh, happy day!

Under Construction...

Well, sort of anyway... I just can't figure out a look that I like. So if you come on here and it looks hideous, it's probably not permanent. Forgive me for being indecisive.

<3

On this day:

Why do I make decisions like I do?
I seem to do it for my circle of influence.
Not for me.

I'm happy.
And I think I could be happy just about anywhere.
Doing just about anything.

But I'm not.
Because I am who they all want me to be.
I'm not me for me.

I sit down.
I don't want to have to stand up.
Make a choice that is my own.

I'm selfish.
I'm determined to have my way.
But I don't know how.

I want so much.
So much of everything.
To make me happy.

A few nights ago I did something that was completely for me. It felt so
good. I did it because I wanted to. I was determined I would accomplish it.
And I did.

I need to do things like that more often; get out of my comfort zone
and just go for it. I need to have goals that I can achieve with what I have
right now. Not goals that I'll accomplish when I get more money, am older,
etc. Goals that are for me here and now.

I sure do wish I had the power cord for that electric keyboard...

October 28, 2009 Photo of the Day

Bewitched

I've been dreaming of Bewitched tonight. I haven't seen any episodes in a while but I simply love the show. It makes me think of all the great times I had living with Deb.

I love the pairing of Dick York and Elizabeth Montgomery on the show. I think they are a darling couple.

I love this photo. Elizabeth looks so classy with her red lips!

Bewitched on DVD is definitely on my wish list right now. And that wish list is not just for Christmas. It's for anytime. Now would be great. :)

Photos via Hooked On Houses, Samantha's Haven, and Sitcom Boy

Raindrops Fallin' On My Head

Been raining all day. I love it, but I hate it.

Photo via Middle Fork

Ps. Check out the Middle Fork site. The pictures are amazing.

Counting Upward

Today was a wonderfully breezy day. The leaves on the trees haven't changed much yet, but they have started falling. I love that the temperature is finally starting to drop. Today as I was doing things around the house, I opened all the windows. It was so beautiful outside!
I worked at the toy store today. I heard a silly conversation take place tonight between my co-worker, Carolyn and a little boy. I've seen the boy and his mother before. He has light brown curly hair and today he was wearing a pair of lime green sunglasses. As he and his mother were leaving, Carolyn said bye to them and the boy stopped to talk to her. She asked how old he was and he told her to guess. She said, "Three?" and he said, "No. Higher." Carolyn guessed five and he said, "Three the other way." She then said, "Four?" The boy finally gave in and said, "Three and three-quarters." Carolyn jokingly said, "Who's counting anyway, right?" The boy pointed at her and said, "You are!" It was precious. That boy always seems like such a cute little free-spirit. I love it.
After I got off work I drove to a coffee shop and got an Americano. I miss coffee shops so much. I rarely go, but love the atmosphere and the smell... everything. I browsed the shelves while I was waiting and found a brilliant invention. I bought it. It's basically a French Press in a take-with-you cup. Makes me happy!

photo via Wetherill Family

October 18, 2009

A few things I am currently fascinated by:

-Neuroscience. I cannot get enough of how the brain works the way it does. The science of brain functions delights me.




-Flower anatomy illustrations. I find them to be beautiful. I cannot describe what I love about them. But they are wonderful.




-Halloween. It's the time of year for it. What can I say?

Piping hot.

I’m going to kill her. That sound she has for her texts is going to make me crazy.
I am hoping soooo much that maybe she has it set to that sound just for Halloween. A weird, creepy, animal sound that is also annoying. That’s what it is.
But I’m not counting on it. I’m sure she set it to that sound just because I started working here. That or it’s because she’s pregnant.
That’s gotta be it…

Be a Patsy!

Downloaded a Patsy Cline album this morning. I'm loving it!

photo via Rolling Stone

lovely.

via ...etc

Deepest Conviction

"A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble." -Mahatma Gandhi

I need to come to realize this. I am the worst at saying yes when I am screaming, "NO!" inside. I really hate it. I need to stand firm in what I think and believe. Everyone else does. Why don't I?

Falling In Love At a Coffee Shop

Today is the first day of fall and I can't stop thinking about the song "Falling In Love At a Coffee Shop" by Landon Pigg. Something about the song just feels crisp and cool like fall. Or maybe it's because I discovered the song around this time last year. I don't know. Whatever it is, I am loving this song right now!


A video of the song.


Here's the lyrics:

I think that possibly
Maybe I've fallen for you
Yes there's a chance
That I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down
I wanna come too

I think that possibly
Maybe I've fallen for you

No one understands me
Quite like you do
Through all of the shadowy corners of me

I never knew just what it was
About the same coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was
About this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

I think that possibly
Maybe I've fallen for you
Yes, there's a chance
That I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine
Now I'm shining too

Because, oh because
I've fallen quite hard over you

If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know
If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone

I never knew just what it was
About the same coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was
About this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

All of the while
All of the while, it was you

Too cute! :)

My windows...

:D

Life is good. I'm so thankful for my family and friends.

Today, Lauren and I met for lunch and had a good talk. Tonight, I got home and Courtney made me laugh. I have yet to hear Kayla's story about Tom Joles' black eye. Or about Cory's website adventures. But I'm sure they are great.

It's starting to cool down here. I love it. I drove around with my windows down today and it wasn't even hot. Fall, here we come! I even bought a pumpkin scented fragrance for the apartment today. I'm so excited!

If you haven't yet, check this out... Emails From Crazy People. Here's an example of some things you will find there. This is an ad on Craig's List from someone CRAZY.

Clown for Kicks (Mendota Heights)
Date: 2009-08-28, 11:12AM CDT
Reply to: sale-hqu43-1346837248@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
I am looking for someone to dress up like a Clown and hang out with me. I would cook you diner – or we could BBQ something. I’m interested in making my neighbor lady wonder. I have already had a man in a panda costume last month – and also had a heard of sheep come in for the day to cut the grass. (sheep do a good job by the way). A clown would be something.
Maybe you could bring some balloons – or make balloon animals to hang in my tree. I’d like to have this done some evening between 6pm and dark. The longer you can stay the better (like if you could stay for the whole 3 hours). Do you have any tricks you could do?
Like I said – I could cook diner and get you drunk – I’d even be willing to pay your cab fare to and from. I don’t have much to offer – and my neighbor lady is driving me nuts – so I want to drive her nuts. If you had a Mime friend – it would be cool to see you two chase each other around the yard or do relay races while I time you.
Let me know your thoughts – open to Men and Women Clowns.

 Hahaha! Enjoy!

Photo of the Day: September 14, 2009

A nice little book store in Cloudcroft, NM.

Cookie

Photo via beaubeen

Radiate Love

No matter how I am feeling...
I think this is a good summary of how to live life.
Even if I didn't believe in myself, believe in others, believe in God... I'd still think these were honorable things to do.
Even if I don't live my life with love, I still think to love others is the best thing anyone can do.
This quote makes hope well up inside of me.
It makes me feel okay with the world.
That some people are trying their best to make the world a better place.
It really gives me hope.
That everything will be okay.
:)

quote via lelove

Photo of the Day: August 21, 2009

This picture wasn't taken today. I took it four days ago. My older sister and my brother-in-law rented a house near a lake for a week. She invited my roommate and I to stay for a night. The house was amazing. And there was a beautiful pool. I ended up getting very sunburned. Ah, why are people suckers for the sun? It's quite stupid, really.
Anyhow, this picture is of the main living room. I think it was the prettiest room in the house. Funny thing was, I didn't see anyone in it while I was there.
I really like the chandelier and the horse painting on the mantle. Nice and warm.
Have a sweet day! CB

Sugar that ain't so sweet.

Listening to a Portugal. The Man song. I haven't heard them before this moment. They are alright, I suppose.
I don't know what it is, but the past few days I've been so aggravated with someone I'll call Sugar. I like the term Sugar cause it makes me think of things in a bit more humorous light. Any-who... Sugar has been bugging the crap out of me lately. I think that I should really be more sympathetic toward them. They are dealing with some not-so-fun stuff right now. But I am having a really tough time relating to Sugar. They will try to talk to me and I have nothing to say in return. I mean, Sugar will straight up lay their heart out before me and all I have to say is, "Yeah, uh huh." Then tonight I was talking to them and they said something about doing something they had been meaning to do. It annoyed the crap out of me. "Then do it. I'm not helping though. I don't want to. Sorry," I said. Sugar said, "I didn't ask you to. Whatever." I think I'm being sassy because Sugar has plenty of things to criticize me about. They are always warning me about one thing or another. Like I don't realize the so-called danger that is staring me in the face everyday. And my goodness, maybe sometimes I want to make mistakes. Or maybe I just want to see what it will be like to fail big time. I mean, I don't really want to fail. But I want something different out of life for a change.
Lately I've been thinking outside of my box. I feel like I've been rather narrow-minded about some things. And whether or not I change how I think about things, I'm appreciating this time. Because I'm not right about everything. Like, I might think I know the best way to make pancakes, but just because I think that doesn't make it true. I'm testing myself right now. And I think it's rather good.
Back to Sugar... I want Sugar to stop being so damn judgmental all the time. Sugar thinks they have the right to judge people's motives. People's standing in life. Well, guess what??? YOU DON'T. So shut up.
THE END.

(PS. I know all of the "they" and "them" is sort of confusing. But I didn't want to give away who the person is...)

Such fragile moments we share

There are many things I'd like to say to a few people. Or about a few people. It feels like I'm forced to hold things back. For various reasons. Whether it be for someone's security or for someone's selfishness. Or because I don't want someone to be upset with me. But I don't want to be the person who isn't true to themselves because someone doesn't like them the way they are. I just don't. Well, who does? But plenty of people do it everyday.
To one of you I say: I understand. But it sucks that you expect me not to say a word. Like, I'm glad you told me what you did. But now I have to watch what I say around certain people, cause they don't know. Whatever. But, really, I feel your pain.
To another I say: You sort of hurt my feelings. I feel like I don't matter to you sometimes. And sometimes I feel like I can't really be myself with you. Like it will piss you off. So I keep mouth shut. I censor myself. Because sometimes I feel like you aren't willing to take the time, nor have the patience, to deal with me. And that really hurts.
To yet another I say: I wish I could talk freely to you about everything. I wish you didn't judge me so much. Because I think we could be great friends. And I wish you put our friendship a little higher on your "to do list".
To all of you, I say: Be patient with me. I have feelings, too. And I have a lot of questions. So if I ask a lot, please answer a lot. That's what makes me feel important. I want you to take interest in me and what's been going on with my day. I like it when you take time to understand me. Cause a lot of people don't. They take my silence as me having nothing to say. But that's not it. My silence comes because I don't feel cared for.
That helped a bit. I feel like I said a bit of what I needed to say. Even though most of you won't read this.
Whatever.

Photo of the Day: August 19, 2009

When I first moved to Texas, my sister gave me an old espresso machine she had but didn't use anymore. I used it a few times, but it has been in the pantry for nearly six months. I finally got it back out a few weeks ago and I am so happy that I did! At least a few times a week I make myself a Cafe Au-lait or London Fog. I love it so much! I keep thinking I need to buy some espresso so I can make lattes and cappuccinos. Mmm!
This photo is of a "Coco Au-lait" I made. My guy, Cory, helped me think of the name. It's like a Cafe au-lait (coffee and steamed milk), but has chocolate syrup. It's pretty yummy.
:)

It's back!

Here is a photo of our slightly unattractive, yet welcomed, new patio chairs. I have yet to sit in them. Isn't that silly?

PS. I'm going to try and start up the Photo of the Day again. Or at least a Photo of the Week.

August fifteenth... I kind of loved you.

Today has been very nice. Sort of quaint.

This afternoon Courtney and I discovered a street fair on our way to lunch. It's right off of Main Street. I've heard they do it every Saturday. We browsed, but didn't find anything interesting.

After we left there, we had planned on going to Sonic to grab a bite to eat. But then I remembered there is a cute little sandwich place right off of Main that we had never been to. I suggested it to Courtney and she was up for trying it. So we drove down the street, ordered two sandwiches, and ate outside at a table. I was glad we gave it a try. The bread was really good.

Proceeding lunch, I took one of the backstreets right off of Main just to see what was on it. We ended up finding a neat looking coffee shop that's run by a church. It was closed but they had a website, so we wrote it down. When we got home we looked it up and it turns out it's a Christian singles cafe. We weren't too keen on the idea, so we changed our minds about going.

After we left the coffee shop we continued down the road behind some businesses. Courtney shouted at me to stop because she had seen two decent looking chairs next to a dumpster. I turned around and we looked at them. They had been covered in a not-too-bad floral print. They were behind a small shop, so we called them and asked if we could have them. They said sure. So we loaded them in my car and brought them back to the apartment. We cleaned them up and put them out on the patio. They look decent. And I'm happy to have more seating out there. Before, we had a rocking chair and an uncomfortable chair a friend had brought by once. We took the uncomfortable chair to the garbage and kissed it goodbye. Good riddance, sucker.

Courtney and I talked for a while until Bryce came over. He took Courtney to a concert. After she left I was bored, so I made a sign for my room in the style of the Keep Calm and Carry On posters. I don't know if I like it though. Might get rid of it. Now I'm just sitting in my room looking for things to do. It's nearly eleven o'clock, so I might just turn in early.

Tomorrow I have work, which I am enjoying. It seems easy enough and I love talking to all the kids. Plus, everyone who works there is pretty cool. So I'm happy with it.

I wish I had all my craft paper and stamps here with me. I left them in New Mexico. I'm always wanting to use them. I need to get those next time I visit home.

I really want one of these! I don't know if I'd actually use it much, though.

I have nothing more to say. Until next time... CB

The Weight of Glory

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours."
C.S. Lewis

sapling

.The quiet of afternoon naps

Collecting thoughts, collecting memories

Looking forward, looking back

Life as we know it

Life will soon be gone

Moving back, moving forward

Life is love

Love will soon come

Diversity keeps apart, diversity brings together

Community is a beating heart

Introspection keeps me humble

Learning keeps me alive

Breathe in, breathe out

Closed eyes

Sweet slumber.

Lonestar State, you get me.

Things I Miss About You:

I miss the rain. The sky would get dark and you just knew it was coming. I miss driving in the rain, running through the rain, smelling the rain. I even miss the days it didn't rain but pretended it might.

I miss the roadways. For the most part everyone drove rather sensibly. The ones that didn't were probably from New Mexico. I could generally get from A to B without much fuss and without too many swear words.

I miss the food. You can get sweet tea most anywhere you go. I miss the bread and even the Tex-Mex. I miss the hysterics over fried fried food that came from Chance and Bryce's mouths. I miss barbeque. I miss sushi.

I miss Debbie. Debbie was so comforting and such a good friend. She was so level-headed when I talked about my problems. I miss her cooking and I really miss her cinnamon coffee. I miss the days I came home and a bunch of candles were lit and she was sitting in the living watching old episodes of Bewitched. I miss going to garage sales and driving around listening to the oldies station. I miss her zeal for life.

I miss my sister and her crazy family. She was always up for most anything. If I needed someone to join me for lunch or a day out she was there. I miss L, R, and Q. They are growing up without me. I miss making forts in my closet. I miss them asking if they can help me cook. I miss Q looking up at me as if asking me to pick her up. I miss the girls splashing while in the bath. I miss being waken by, "HEY, Aunt Cass." I miss Mark calling me dude and homie and stuff like that.

I miss all the action. Horse races, the circus, Disney on ice, going to shows, lunch with Barb, basketball games, Six Flags, going to Longview, going to Houston, going mini-golfing. There was always something to do.

I miss living on my own. I miss quiet nights at home. I miss staying up late. I miss getting up early. I miss sitting on the balcony on a dark summer night. I miss driving with my windows down on the way to work.

I miss you. I'll see you soon.

Me too.

Today I was thinking about things I want vs. things I need. I'm hoping to move soon, so I've got money on the brain. Ran across this cute reflection.

Need v. Want, by Laurie Smith, 2003

I need to nourish, fuel and vitalize.
I want Finney’s chips and a patty melt.

I need to be hydrated.
I want to bob around with a margarita in my hand.

I need protection from the elements.
I want a century old Victorian on 10 acres.

I need a way to get from here to there.
I want a 2003 Expedition, white, Eddie Bauer package.

I need to feed my soul.
I want to finish this book despite the unfolded laundry.

I need to cleanse, refresh, and wake up.
I want to stay curled up next to him for ten more minutes.

I need to let her go.
I want to clutch her tightly to me forever.

I need to allow them the chance to fail.
I want to share the secret.

I need to visit my parents.
I want to tell them I understand.

I need to teach.
I want to educate.

I need to learn.
I want to know.

I need to know God.
I want to experience Him.

I need to acknowledge the passage of time.
I want to age gracefully.

I need to leave this place for another.
I want to have it matter that I was here.

found at: sau.edu

ohJanuary 20th. A new day for America.

go fish!

so...this is the picture of the day. my sister and i were having lunch at chili's today. she picked up a chip and said, "look! it's a fish!" i had to take a picture...

Photo Blog

I was looking at some fun tips for blogging yesterday and came across a great idea: Take a picture and post it everyday. Now, I don't know if I'll be diligent enough to actually take pictures everyday, but I'll post as often as I remember. Right now my camera is broken so I'm having to use my camera phone. I'm a little bummed out about that, but I figured I shouldn't let it hinder my fun, right?!

Here's today's photo:

A bottle of happiness!

Wow! You MUST check out the website Learning to Love You More! I just discovered it and I have found a new love! I'll have to try some of the assignments on here. Right now I'm looking at assignment #14: Write your life story in less than a day. There's some funny ones like "Make a Child's Outfit in an Adult's Size" and some ones that make you think, like "Write a Phone Call You Wish You Could Have". Check out this site. It's so great!

2008

I saw that someone had done this and it inspired me to give it a try:

Last year...

I had my first birthday without my twin, Kayla.

  I realized it was okay for me to be content in New Mexico.

    My niece Quinn was born.  

      I realized I'm sort of artsy/crafty.

        I lost some of my interest in books.

          I read a few books about writing.

            I got hooked on TV on DVD.

              I got a new car.

                I met lots of new people that I just adore.

                  I got a new job.

                  I went on a real date.

                    I realized maybe I am likable.

                     I was given a bird.

                        I let that bird go free.

                           I rang in the new year with some of my favorite friends and family.

Seriously, last year was a great year. I grew up a bit and learned a lot. Life progresses and I am thankful for that. Oh so thankful.  :)

Consider the Ravens

i'm waiting. and i can't say i'm not anxious. cuz i am.

i just want some answers and some hope.

seems like these days i'm just living to pass the hours.

life's a bit redundant. i'm ready for an adventure.

i hope that my adventure at least pans out to be a bit of what i'm hoping for.

but i suppose it's in my hands to make it happen.

i don't know what will happen with the people i meet or the people i already know.

but i'm honestly excited and super anxious at the same time.

care-free but cautious.

trusting but absolutely faltering.

Lord, help me.