Jaques

So, I gotta say, I am loving this Jaques tote bag from Wayne Pate. I was browsing the A Cup of Jo blog where she had posted about the Sammy the Seagull print and had to take a look. I'd love one of these. It's just so cute!

Cassi

Three More Days

Things have changed. But more than ever I recognize that they have stayed the same. I don't want to let go. But I realize that it's necessary. Or so I think it is. I'm really scared to let go completely. But I think that in the long run it will serve me well. I don't think I have learned my lesson yet. By letting go too soon, maybe I have forfeited that luxury. Or maybe I am still learning. This leaves me with a lingering anxiety. Perhaps by letting go I may be making the wrong choice? You said that I change my mind too much. I don't think it's the changing of my mind that is so bad. I think it's the thought-process that goes into those decisions in the first place. I don't think things through enough. Or I become entangled by the distraction of niceties.

Sugar that ain't so sweet.

Listening to a Portugal. The Man song. I haven't heard them before this moment. They are alright, I suppose.
I don't know what it is, but the past few days I've been so aggravated with someone I'll call Sugar. I like the term Sugar cause it makes me think of things in a bit more humorous light. Any-who... Sugar has been bugging the crap out of me lately. I think that I should really be more sympathetic toward them. They are dealing with some not-so-fun stuff right now. But I am having a really tough time relating to Sugar. They will try to talk to me and I have nothing to say in return. I mean, Sugar will straight up lay their heart out before me and all I have to say is, "Yeah, uh huh." Then tonight I was talking to them and they said something about doing something they had been meaning to do. It annoyed the crap out of me. "Then do it. I'm not helping though. I don't want to. Sorry," I said. Sugar said, "I didn't ask you to. Whatever." I think I'm being sassy because Sugar has plenty of things to criticize me about. They are always warning me about one thing or another. Like I don't realize the so-called danger that is staring me in the face everyday. And my goodness, maybe sometimes I want to make mistakes. Or maybe I just want to see what it will be like to fail big time. I mean, I don't really want to fail. But I want something different out of life for a change.
Lately I've been thinking outside of my box. I feel like I've been rather narrow-minded about some things. And whether or not I change how I think about things, I'm appreciating this time. Because I'm not right about everything. Like, I might think I know the best way to make pancakes, but just because I think that doesn't make it true. I'm testing myself right now. And I think it's rather good.
Back to Sugar... I want Sugar to stop being so damn judgmental all the time. Sugar thinks they have the right to judge people's motives. People's standing in life. Well, guess what??? YOU DON'T. So shut up.
THE END.

(PS. I know all of the "they" and "them" is sort of confusing. But I didn't want to give away who the person is...)

Such fragile moments we share

There are many things I'd like to say to a few people. Or about a few people. It feels like I'm forced to hold things back. For various reasons. Whether it be for someone's security or for someone's selfishness. Or because I don't want someone to be upset with me. But I don't want to be the person who isn't true to themselves because someone doesn't like them the way they are. I just don't. Well, who does? But plenty of people do it everyday.
To one of you I say: I understand. But it sucks that you expect me not to say a word. Like, I'm glad you told me what you did. But now I have to watch what I say around certain people, cause they don't know. Whatever. But, really, I feel your pain.
To another I say: You sort of hurt my feelings. I feel like I don't matter to you sometimes. And sometimes I feel like I can't really be myself with you. Like it will piss you off. So I keep mouth shut. I censor myself. Because sometimes I feel like you aren't willing to take the time, nor have the patience, to deal with me. And that really hurts.
To yet another I say: I wish I could talk freely to you about everything. I wish you didn't judge me so much. Because I think we could be great friends. And I wish you put our friendship a little higher on your "to do list".
To all of you, I say: Be patient with me. I have feelings, too. And I have a lot of questions. So if I ask a lot, please answer a lot. That's what makes me feel important. I want you to take interest in me and what's been going on with my day. I like it when you take time to understand me. Cause a lot of people don't. They take my silence as me having nothing to say. But that's not it. My silence comes because I don't feel cared for.
That helped a bit. I feel like I said a bit of what I needed to say. Even though most of you won't read this.
Whatever.

Me too.

Today I was thinking about things I want vs. things I need. I'm hoping to move soon, so I've got money on the brain. Ran across this cute reflection.

Need v. Want, by Laurie Smith, 2003

I need to nourish, fuel and vitalize.
I want Finney’s chips and a patty melt.

I need to be hydrated.
I want to bob around with a margarita in my hand.

I need protection from the elements.
I want a century old Victorian on 10 acres.

I need a way to get from here to there.
I want a 2003 Expedition, white, Eddie Bauer package.

I need to feed my soul.
I want to finish this book despite the unfolded laundry.

I need to cleanse, refresh, and wake up.
I want to stay curled up next to him for ten more minutes.

I need to let her go.
I want to clutch her tightly to me forever.

I need to allow them the chance to fail.
I want to share the secret.

I need to visit my parents.
I want to tell them I understand.

I need to teach.
I want to educate.

I need to learn.
I want to know.

I need to know God.
I want to experience Him.

I need to acknowledge the passage of time.
I want to age gracefully.

I need to leave this place for another.
I want to have it matter that I was here.

found at: sau.edu