Never before have I felt so silly. Yesterday for my Facebook status I wrote, "I'm a silly sally." I had no idea that it was oozing with foreboding. I thought I was a silly sally yesterday. It turns out that today I am a silly sally squared.
Here's the deal. I'm just going to be candid here. I like this guy & yesterday was the first time I had ever spoken to him. Well, sort of... He comes into my work a lot. But yesterday was the first time we had ever talked about anything other than coffee. He told me his name & I then went home & looked him up on Facebook. Stupid, I know. The whole time I was doing it I was thinking, You know his name because he told you, but now you know all of this because you are a creep.
Here is where my trouble begins.
I come home, change into workout clothes that are tight & fill up my water bottle. First thing that happens? Ten seconds after I begin to run I drop my brand new phone which I was hoping to take back. Of course it got scratched. AT&T, please deal kindly with me! I put my phone in a more secure location & take off again. All I can think about is how awesome I am for finally taking a run. And to think... my twin sister isn't even here to beg me to run with her! I AM awesome. I round the corner & head past my neighbor's house, picking up my pace. I don't want them seeing me in these skin-tight leggings... No way. I get down to the pavement & run across the street quickly. I'm running on the side of the road which is just a small patch of dirt about a foot wide which then curves down to the side. At this point I am happy to have gotten past my neighbor's house without them seeing me. Then I hear a car coming. I pick up my pace.
Listen, I know I am ridiculous. Let's just establish this now.
So, I'm running (jogging really...) a bit faster. Then, the unthinkable happens. I start to lose my footing. My pace goes all wacky and I start to lose my balance. At this point, I can see the vehicle I am trying so hard to outrun for fear that they will laugh at my little leggings. It's a gold pickup truck.
I'm still trying to regain my balance. As the truck gets closer, I begin to tumble forward. OH NO! I'm falling. No! Finally, gravity takes over & I land on the grassy cover of the ground beside the road. I roll to the right, down the slope & nearly run into the fence beside the road. I lay there for a moment as the truck passes & then sit up. Oh my gosh. Did that just happen? I let out an embarrassed laugh & brush off the sleeves of my sweatshirt. I pick a goat-head out of my leggings and take a breath. Seriously?! Ugh.
I look in the direction the truck was headed & see that they have pulled into my neighbor's driveway. Then I realize it is my neighbor's parents, whom I know pretty well. I get up & decide to get the hell out of Dodge before they come over & ask if I am alright. I run into a nearby pasture that is on my grandpa's land & run to the far end, away from the road. When I get there I start laughing. Hysterically. Loudly. "Oh. My. Gosh!" was all that I could think of to say. "Did that really happen?" I look down at myself & I am a mess. There's grass all over my pants & my side hurts, just above the line of my pants. I pull up my shirt a bit & I am bleeding. Not horribly. Just a scrape. But that was quite enough to send me into giggles again. I decide I better head home, taking a different route this time because my pride will not let me go back toward my neighbor's house. I jog back up toward the road and some ducks in the adjacent pasture distract me. How cute! They are playing in the water, I think to myself. I walk to the fence line and watch them for a moment, still laughing of course. Still feeling humiliated, of course.
I decide to run through the duck-pasture, which is currently void of cows. I crawl through the fence & run up to the top, nearest the road. It is at this point I realize that the irrigation water is on. I figure that if I stay close to the road it will be dry. I'm wrong. Why wouldn't I be? I decide to trudge on through & I think that it won't be that bad. I'm wrong again. The water is flowing out of that pipe & fast. I try to daintily step on pieces of grass in the slop but give up soon enough. So here I am, laughing, trudging through the mud in my running shoes. I think I am the biggest idiot in the whole world. Finally, I find a dry spot & find my way up to the highway. I cross the street & go up onto yet more of my grandpa's land. This is what I love about living where I do. My grandpa owns beautiful farm land in abundance. When I want to go adventure (or make a fool out of myself) I can go right across the street. That's but one of the perks of living next to him.
After I cross the road in my dirty shoes, I pick up the pace again. I run for about one minute before my side hurts & I stop again. I say to myself out loud, "This is why you don't run." But really, I don't mean it. What I should have said was, "This is why you don't push yourself so hard on the very first day you decide to run. But don't give up yet, sweetie!" Yeah, sure...
As I walk, nearly home now, I think about falling again & start laughing. Again. I put my hands on my head & just laugh like it's going out of style. HA. HA. HA! At this point, all I can think of to say is, "Shit. Shit, shit, shit!" And I'm just laughing! Ah, the ravings of a prideful lunatic...
I get home, walk it off & talk to my dogs a bit. Like they understand the folly that is being a human being...
So here I am, sitting in my room typing this post, still occasionally laughing. I am SUCH a silly sally.
