Random

My life is hilarious.

I work in a nice area in a middle-upper-class suburb. But today the men who work in the office right beside mine brought in a deer head to hang in their office. Honestly? They will be ushering all the new hires into an office with a DEER HEAD hanging on the wall. I can’t help but laugh.

I am lucky enough to work with my best friend, whose office is close to mine. We generally have too much fun at work and probably laugh just a bit too much. Lately, Courtney has gotten into the habit of threatening to shoot me with a rubber band. Which is terrifying. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t actually do it, but every time I walk into her office, I am overcome by fear. She, of course, finds great delight in seeing me run out of her office shrieking. My goodness, we ARE still children…

Thanksgiving was this past week and it was a wonderful time. My twin sister and a few friends came into town. We had dinner at my older sister Lauren’s house. There were at least twenty people crowded into the house, which looked gorgeous. Lauren and Debbie had decorated every thing for Christmas (a little early, I know). There were nice tablecloths on each table, candles lit, pretty china and sweet little napkin rings. It was a really great time.

I don’t have much else to say. I know this blog was pretty random. Oh well.

Til we meet again.

Three More Days

Things have changed. But more than ever I recognize that they have stayed the same. I don't want to let go. But I realize that it's necessary. Or so I think it is. I'm really scared to let go completely. But I think that in the long run it will serve me well. I don't think I have learned my lesson yet. By letting go too soon, maybe I have forfeited that luxury. Or maybe I am still learning. This leaves me with a lingering anxiety. Perhaps by letting go I may be making the wrong choice? You said that I change my mind too much. I don't think it's the changing of my mind that is so bad. I think it's the thought-process that goes into those decisions in the first place. I don't think things through enough. Or I become entangled by the distraction of niceties.

Stress Level: High

Today. Today has me wanting to pull out my hair. To go back to bed. To be anywhere but here.

And what do you know? It's not over yet.

Oh, happy day!

Under Construction...

Well, sort of anyway... I just can't figure out a look that I like. So if you come on here and it looks hideous, it's probably not permanent. Forgive me for being indecisive.

<3

On this day:

Why do I make decisions like I do?
I seem to do it for my circle of influence.
Not for me.

I'm happy.
And I think I could be happy just about anywhere.
Doing just about anything.

But I'm not.
Because I am who they all want me to be.
I'm not me for me.

I sit down.
I don't want to have to stand up.
Make a choice that is my own.

I'm selfish.
I'm determined to have my way.
But I don't know how.

I want so much.
So much of everything.
To make me happy.

A few nights ago I did something that was completely for me. It felt so
good. I did it because I wanted to. I was determined I would accomplish it.
And I did.

I need to do things like that more often; get out of my comfort zone
and just go for it. I need to have goals that I can achieve with what I have
right now. Not goals that I'll accomplish when I get more money, am older,
etc. Goals that are for me here and now.

I sure do wish I had the power cord for that electric keyboard...