Photo of the Day: August 21, 2009

This picture wasn't taken today. I took it four days ago. My older sister and my brother-in-law rented a house near a lake for a week. She invited my roommate and I to stay for a night. The house was amazing. And there was a beautiful pool. I ended up getting very sunburned. Ah, why are people suckers for the sun? It's quite stupid, really.
Anyhow, this picture is of the main living room. I think it was the prettiest room in the house. Funny thing was, I didn't see anyone in it while I was there.
I really like the chandelier and the horse painting on the mantle. Nice and warm.
Have a sweet day! CB

Sugar that ain't so sweet.

Listening to a Portugal. The Man song. I haven't heard them before this moment. They are alright, I suppose.
I don't know what it is, but the past few days I've been so aggravated with someone I'll call Sugar. I like the term Sugar cause it makes me think of things in a bit more humorous light. Any-who... Sugar has been bugging the crap out of me lately. I think that I should really be more sympathetic toward them. They are dealing with some not-so-fun stuff right now. But I am having a really tough time relating to Sugar. They will try to talk to me and I have nothing to say in return. I mean, Sugar will straight up lay their heart out before me and all I have to say is, "Yeah, uh huh." Then tonight I was talking to them and they said something about doing something they had been meaning to do. It annoyed the crap out of me. "Then do it. I'm not helping though. I don't want to. Sorry," I said. Sugar said, "I didn't ask you to. Whatever." I think I'm being sassy because Sugar has plenty of things to criticize me about. They are always warning me about one thing or another. Like I don't realize the so-called danger that is staring me in the face everyday. And my goodness, maybe sometimes I want to make mistakes. Or maybe I just want to see what it will be like to fail big time. I mean, I don't really want to fail. But I want something different out of life for a change.
Lately I've been thinking outside of my box. I feel like I've been rather narrow-minded about some things. And whether or not I change how I think about things, I'm appreciating this time. Because I'm not right about everything. Like, I might think I know the best way to make pancakes, but just because I think that doesn't make it true. I'm testing myself right now. And I think it's rather good.
Back to Sugar... I want Sugar to stop being so damn judgmental all the time. Sugar thinks they have the right to judge people's motives. People's standing in life. Well, guess what??? YOU DON'T. So shut up.
THE END.

(PS. I know all of the "they" and "them" is sort of confusing. But I didn't want to give away who the person is...)

Such fragile moments we share

There are many things I'd like to say to a few people. Or about a few people. It feels like I'm forced to hold things back. For various reasons. Whether it be for someone's security or for someone's selfishness. Or because I don't want someone to be upset with me. But I don't want to be the person who isn't true to themselves because someone doesn't like them the way they are. I just don't. Well, who does? But plenty of people do it everyday.
To one of you I say: I understand. But it sucks that you expect me not to say a word. Like, I'm glad you told me what you did. But now I have to watch what I say around certain people, cause they don't know. Whatever. But, really, I feel your pain.
To another I say: You sort of hurt my feelings. I feel like I don't matter to you sometimes. And sometimes I feel like I can't really be myself with you. Like it will piss you off. So I keep mouth shut. I censor myself. Because sometimes I feel like you aren't willing to take the time, nor have the patience, to deal with me. And that really hurts.
To yet another I say: I wish I could talk freely to you about everything. I wish you didn't judge me so much. Because I think we could be great friends. And I wish you put our friendship a little higher on your "to do list".
To all of you, I say: Be patient with me. I have feelings, too. And I have a lot of questions. So if I ask a lot, please answer a lot. That's what makes me feel important. I want you to take interest in me and what's been going on with my day. I like it when you take time to understand me. Cause a lot of people don't. They take my silence as me having nothing to say. But that's not it. My silence comes because I don't feel cared for.
That helped a bit. I feel like I said a bit of what I needed to say. Even though most of you won't read this.
Whatever.

Photo of the Day: August 19, 2009

When I first moved to Texas, my sister gave me an old espresso machine she had but didn't use anymore. I used it a few times, but it has been in the pantry for nearly six months. I finally got it back out a few weeks ago and I am so happy that I did! At least a few times a week I make myself a Cafe Au-lait or London Fog. I love it so much! I keep thinking I need to buy some espresso so I can make lattes and cappuccinos. Mmm!
This photo is of a "Coco Au-lait" I made. My guy, Cory, helped me think of the name. It's like a Cafe au-lait (coffee and steamed milk), but has chocolate syrup. It's pretty yummy.
:)

It's back!

Here is a photo of our slightly unattractive, yet welcomed, new patio chairs. I have yet to sit in them. Isn't that silly?

PS. I'm going to try and start up the Photo of the Day again. Or at least a Photo of the Week.

August fifteenth... I kind of loved you.

Today has been very nice. Sort of quaint.

This afternoon Courtney and I discovered a street fair on our way to lunch. It's right off of Main Street. I've heard they do it every Saturday. We browsed, but didn't find anything interesting.

After we left there, we had planned on going to Sonic to grab a bite to eat. But then I remembered there is a cute little sandwich place right off of Main that we had never been to. I suggested it to Courtney and she was up for trying it. So we drove down the street, ordered two sandwiches, and ate outside at a table. I was glad we gave it a try. The bread was really good.

Proceeding lunch, I took one of the backstreets right off of Main just to see what was on it. We ended up finding a neat looking coffee shop that's run by a church. It was closed but they had a website, so we wrote it down. When we got home we looked it up and it turns out it's a Christian singles cafe. We weren't too keen on the idea, so we changed our minds about going.

After we left the coffee shop we continued down the road behind some businesses. Courtney shouted at me to stop because she had seen two decent looking chairs next to a dumpster. I turned around and we looked at them. They had been covered in a not-too-bad floral print. They were behind a small shop, so we called them and asked if we could have them. They said sure. So we loaded them in my car and brought them back to the apartment. We cleaned them up and put them out on the patio. They look decent. And I'm happy to have more seating out there. Before, we had a rocking chair and an uncomfortable chair a friend had brought by once. We took the uncomfortable chair to the garbage and kissed it goodbye. Good riddance, sucker.

Courtney and I talked for a while until Bryce came over. He took Courtney to a concert. After she left I was bored, so I made a sign for my room in the style of the Keep Calm and Carry On posters. I don't know if I like it though. Might get rid of it. Now I'm just sitting in my room looking for things to do. It's nearly eleven o'clock, so I might just turn in early.

Tomorrow I have work, which I am enjoying. It seems easy enough and I love talking to all the kids. Plus, everyone who works there is pretty cool. So I'm happy with it.

I wish I had all my craft paper and stamps here with me. I left them in New Mexico. I'm always wanting to use them. I need to get those next time I visit home.

I really want one of these! I don't know if I'd actually use it much, though.

I have nothing more to say. Until next time... CB

The Weight of Glory

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours."
C.S. Lewis

sapling

.The quiet of afternoon naps

Collecting thoughts, collecting memories

Looking forward, looking back

Life as we know it

Life will soon be gone

Moving back, moving forward

Life is love

Love will soon come

Diversity keeps apart, diversity brings together

Community is a beating heart

Introspection keeps me humble

Learning keeps me alive

Breathe in, breathe out

Closed eyes

Sweet slumber.

Lonestar State, you get me.

Things I Miss About You:

I miss the rain. The sky would get dark and you just knew it was coming. I miss driving in the rain, running through the rain, smelling the rain. I even miss the days it didn't rain but pretended it might.

I miss the roadways. For the most part everyone drove rather sensibly. The ones that didn't were probably from New Mexico. I could generally get from A to B without much fuss and without too many swear words.

I miss the food. You can get sweet tea most anywhere you go. I miss the bread and even the Tex-Mex. I miss the hysterics over fried fried food that came from Chance and Bryce's mouths. I miss barbeque. I miss sushi.

I miss Debbie. Debbie was so comforting and such a good friend. She was so level-headed when I talked about my problems. I miss her cooking and I really miss her cinnamon coffee. I miss the days I came home and a bunch of candles were lit and she was sitting in the living watching old episodes of Bewitched. I miss going to garage sales and driving around listening to the oldies station. I miss her zeal for life.

I miss my sister and her crazy family. She was always up for most anything. If I needed someone to join me for lunch or a day out she was there. I miss L, R, and Q. They are growing up without me. I miss making forts in my closet. I miss them asking if they can help me cook. I miss Q looking up at me as if asking me to pick her up. I miss the girls splashing while in the bath. I miss being waken by, "HEY, Aunt Cass." I miss Mark calling me dude and homie and stuff like that.

I miss all the action. Horse races, the circus, Disney on ice, going to shows, lunch with Barb, basketball games, Six Flags, going to Longview, going to Houston, going mini-golfing. There was always something to do.

I miss living on my own. I miss quiet nights at home. I miss staying up late. I miss getting up early. I miss sitting on the balcony on a dark summer night. I miss driving with my windows down on the way to work.

I miss you. I'll see you soon.

Me too.

Today I was thinking about things I want vs. things I need. I'm hoping to move soon, so I've got money on the brain. Ran across this cute reflection.

Need v. Want, by Laurie Smith, 2003

I need to nourish, fuel and vitalize.
I want Finney’s chips and a patty melt.

I need to be hydrated.
I want to bob around with a margarita in my hand.

I need protection from the elements.
I want a century old Victorian on 10 acres.

I need a way to get from here to there.
I want a 2003 Expedition, white, Eddie Bauer package.

I need to feed my soul.
I want to finish this book despite the unfolded laundry.

I need to cleanse, refresh, and wake up.
I want to stay curled up next to him for ten more minutes.

I need to let her go.
I want to clutch her tightly to me forever.

I need to allow them the chance to fail.
I want to share the secret.

I need to visit my parents.
I want to tell them I understand.

I need to teach.
I want to educate.

I need to learn.
I want to know.

I need to know God.
I want to experience Him.

I need to acknowledge the passage of time.
I want to age gracefully.

I need to leave this place for another.
I want to have it matter that I was here.

found at: sau.edu